July 28th, 2008 Life Crap that Makes you Sweat

I’ve been hanging around DirtyAmmunition and PockyNeko from Twitter the last few days. And as much as I wanted to escape certain things from my life, I kept coming back to that main problem- What the Hell am I going to do with my life and free time?

I decided I’ll be going back to school, but not soon. I also decided that the relationship between my mother, however dear she is to me, is really sickening the more I think about it. So I need to start breaking away. I see young people, younger than me (keep in mind I’m 20) having these things called lives and socialness and I just don’t have that. Sure I have friends, but I feel so goddamned akward all the time. Life shouldn’t have to be this hard, you know?

God this is making me sound like an emo twat.

Anyway, yes. I want to step away from my comfort zone and my mother and just learn to be a mentally healthy person for my age. I’m tired of feeling below everyone all the time. It just gets to me, when I see the said young people and their lives and how I wish I were them, no matter how much they bitch. I wish I were them. It’s pretty frustrating to say the least.

I’m home all day with no where to go and the more I think about my situation, the more I realize I’m not the person I’ve been dreaming to be. And it seriously makes me want to cry inside. I’m not the person I’ve wanted to be, I’ve actually become something that I hate.

I see the path my life is heading down and I hate that, too. I need to make a change, something needs to happen.

I just don’t know what that is right now.

Also, I’ve realized this is random babbling on my part. None of this is edited and I typed exactly what was on my mind, which is different from my other posts because I tend to edit and edit and edit. So if this makes you feel weird in any way, I apologize. This is just what’s been on my brain and I felt like being true to it.

Thank you for reading, whoever you are.

This entry was posted on Monday, July 28th, 2008 at 10:44 pm and is filed under Life. what Life?. This entry has been tagged as cookies, crapola, existance, life. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Peaches to “Life Crap that Makes you Sweat”

1. Miiitch Says:
   July 29th, 2008 at 3:46 pm

   Zomg. You should totally, like, check into a friend’s place for a weekend, and watch movies and hang out and go to the mall and shop and do tons of random stuff that’s fun to do with friends.

   That’s what I do whenever I start feeling like I have no lyfe outside of my virtual one.

2. Pim Says:
   July 29th, 2008 at 7:15 pm

   Sorry to get back to you this late! But the font thing is a wp-plugin, found here: http://www.hostscope.com/wordpress-plugins/ttftitles-wordpress-plugin/
   I sometimes feel the exact way you do! Sometimes I really don’t want to leave my house just because I feel far more comfortable at home rather than going out… And at times I’m really happy with what I turned out to be, but now that school is over I feel I’m not happy anymore… I feel as something needs to happen as well, I hope school brings change, for you too, I bet it will though. School changes a lot of things…

3. Munin Says:
   July 29th, 2008 at 10:28 pm

   Thanks for the comment full of win, Mitch but that’s what I’ve been doing. XD I’ve been hanging out a lot with Dirtyammunition and Pockyneko.

   I feel better, now but I won’t remove this post because I don’t feel that I should be censoring myself :D Thanks for the concern though! It’s been a blast.

   I just don’t wanna go home yet, haha.

4. nyuu Says:
   July 31st, 2008 at 3:38 am

   hi, this is nyuu who happens to find your site through random blog readings. But your post caught my attention because I feel like that sometimes too. It’s weird I want to drop out of school and try something new instead though lol. It also sucks that seeing younger people doing things that I never got to do when i was at that age. T-T; but yea I hope you feel better, maybe starting school is a good thing. Good luck!

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